Looking Glass
by poxelda
Summary: After a massive head wound, Mac has amnesia. Warnings for occasional swearing. Based on a request from Dwells51
1. Chapter 1

*****This is for a prompt from Dwells51, enjoy!**

"Holy hell!" Jack groaned rolling over. He coughed and winced. He hurt everywhere. That RPG was a little too close. He glanced over at the pick up he and Mac had escaped. It sat upside down a black smoking corpse. If Jack hadn't spotted the contrail out of the corner of his eye, they'd be barbequing inside it. Jack pushed himself up on shaking arms. He wiped dust and grit out of his eyes digging into rubble scattered around him until his Baretta was safely in his fist. Jack staggered to his feet and scanned the environment.

"Mac?" Jack called. He could barely hear his voice over the ringing in his ears. His eyes scanned the narrow dirt road. They'd been on their way to exfil, they'd lost the Myanmar government troops, or thought they had. The trail had a cliff on one side, a gently sloping hill of gravel on the other. Jack was lucky he hadn't tumbled off the cliff. He knew Mac had lept from the other side. "Mac!" Jack called louder jogging around the truck. The fire was hot against his back. He saw movement across the valley. Good news that was too far for the troops to attack, lousy news he sincerely doubted they'd run out of RPGs.

Once on the other side of the truck, Jack slid his pistol into its holster. He hoped their pursuers assumed they were dead in the explosion.

"Mac?" Jack called again, worry starting to edge toward panic. He heard a rustle of stones and followed the sound to gravel piled behind a boulder the size of a tank. Jack breathed out in relief. Mac was leaning against the boulder with one hand. "There you are, you had me scared there a minute!" Jack stepped forward, his relief kindling to fear. Mac bent forward puking. "Mac?"

Mac didn't seem to notice Jack until Jack touched him on the shoulder. Mac twisted in surprise and fell back against the boulder. He cried out, and his knees buckled.

"Oh, whoa, easy kiddo." Jack managed to catch Mac and ease him away from his pile of vomit. Jack breathed out with relief, no blood in the mess. Jack's fear still grossly outweighed his momentary relief. The entire right side of Mac's face was one pouring smear of blood. Jack could see a bump the size of a cantaloupe behind his ear. Mac's left eye was blown wide while his right eye looked like an ant's footprint. Massive head wound. So not good. "Here buddy, sit here." Jack guided Mac to the ground bracing him so he wouldn't fall. Mac stared at Jack blankly, blinking slowly. The kid raised his hand to touch his wound. Jack gently held it down and leaned in close until Mac gradually focussed on him.

"Hey, brother, do you know who I am?" Mac blinked at him too dazed to answer. Jack's heart thumped with barely controlled panic, "Ok easier one, what's your name? Can you tell me?" Mac blinked at him then slowly shook his head. Shit. "Ok don't panic, stay right here, ok?" Mac stared at Jack frowning, "stay!" Mac slowly nodded and winced his hand moving to the base of his skull. Jack searched the ground around the wreck until he found the survival pack he always took with them on missions. Jack ran back to Mac who was having trouble staying awake. He swayed. Jack gently let him lay down. "Stay with me, ok?" Mac's eyes slowly opened and he nodded once wincing with pain. Ok, Jack babbled to himself, call Phoenix, emergency medical evac, he's gonna be fine, he's always fine, he's gonna be fine...Jack hit the speed dial on the sat phone. Matty answered on the first ring.

Jack was babbling before she got a word out.

"Matty, it's Mac he's got a bad head wound, Mac says he doesn't know who he is, I need help like yesterday!" Jack thanked God for Matty. Her calm helped him reign in his panic.

"Ok, Jack. I'll have your ex-fill team get you. Don't hang up!"

"No, Matty it's really bad, I don't know if…"

"Dalton! Get a grip. You aren't going to help Mac by spazzing out."

"You're right, sorry, sorry…" Matty's tone softened.

"Ok, I'm patching in Doc Carl talk to me what does the wound look like…" Matty kept Jack talking for the next half hour. Jack managed to keep Mac minimally conscious. Jack almost whooped in relief as a team of Nightstalkers circled his position. The Nightstalkers or the Army's 160th Special Aviation Regiment were the most special of special forces. Others like the SEALS or even Delta may be the names in the headlines-on the few occasions there were headlines, but none of them could do their jobs without the elite airborne corps. They transported squads into and out of hellholes and fire zones; they rescue soldiers or sailors from all manner of deadly situations even being the unit to fish landing astronauts out of the oceans. Without them, there would be no successful operations.

"You ok?" Commander Blue, a code name obviously, hissed his eyes constantly roving the environment around them. Jack nodded his focus on Mac. The medic had a neck brace around Mac's neck, and an IV was going. They slid him onto a stretcher, "Ok let's move. We have unfriendlies coming." Jack ran alongside Mac's litter not liking the stillness or blood that seemed to gush out like a sprung oil well. Jack stepped into the helicopter and slid to the side he crouched and clung to Mac's limp hand as if he were pulling him from an impossible fall. Jack didn't like how grim the medic looked.

"How is he?" The medic's eyes were sad, his mouth downturned.

"Not good." Jack felt tears stack behind his lower eyelids. He nodded and took a steadying breath. He found himself staring at Mac's chest. Every pause between breaths was a grand canyon of time filled with fear.

Jack paced the hall in Phoenix medical. His face was red from spilled tears; he felt like a dried out husk. Mac had been evac'd to a carrier doing exercises in the Bay of Bengal. After they stabilized him, it took 13 hours to get Mac to an elite neural specialist in Germany. Mac had surgery to remove a large hematoma and had been in ICU for two weeks before he was cleared to return to Phoenix. Jack still wore the clothes crusted with Mac's blood and dirt from their ambush site. He knew he stank, his chin sprouted the wild fur of a bushman, and probably looked like an insane homeless bum, but he refused to leave Mac's side. The terror of a doctor coming out to tell him Mac was awake and he wasn't here... was paralyzed and brain dead...or finding out he'd died just because Jack wasn't here...or...

Matty threw open the doors and strode down the hall, her size belied the speed she could move when needed. Behind her, pale with their own panic, trailed Riley and Bozer. Jack grabbed the first one he could and squeezed tight clinging to something solid in the center of his tsunami of fears. Bozer took a beat to get over his surprise then hugged the man back. Riley replaced him a second later, keeping hold of Jack's white-knuckled grip. When Jack looked down at Matty, he was a second away from crumbling like a shattered vase. Matty's voice was soft as she took his hand.

"C'mon, Jack sit down." Jack blindly followed her and sat in a chair along the wall. He leaned forward and put his head in his hands. He looked at Matty.

"Matty, I can't lose him, I can't…" Matty grabbed his face with both hands and leaned in close.

"Shhh...it's ok, Jack. Doc Carl brought in a neurologist he trusts; they are doing everything for MacGyver they can. You need to take a beat and take care of yourself."

"Matty, I…"

"That wasn't a suggestion, you stink." Matty smiled taking away the sting. Jack blinked at her then after a long minute nodded his head. His shoulders slumped with exhaustion, "Go get cleaned up and eat something; you look like a bag of bones. You aren't going to help Mac by killing yourself. If anything comes up, I'll make sure you know, ok?" Matty waited the minute it took for Jack to process everything she said. He sighed and stood up. The rest of the team noticed the slight wobble as he limped toward the locker room. Matty looked at Bozer and nodded after Jack.

"I got him," Bozer said turning and jogging until he caught up with the Delta. Matty turned to Riley.

"I need you to help Sally slip him a mickey."

"You want me to do what?" Matty rolled her eyes.

"You heard me. If Jack doesn't rest, he's going to fall apart...more." Riley nodded grimly.

"You got it."

 **M**

He woke up slowly moaning. Everything swam under layers of blurriness and pain. He groaned and reached up to touch the most significant source of pain. He frowned to find his wrist stopped by a foam restraint. He studied it curiously and twisted his wrist. In a few minutes, it was loose enough he could work his hand free. He smiled and turned to undo the other arm. He sat up and almost puked. He closed his eyes. An ax chopped his head in half. He found himself picturing a watermelon the size of his head on a guillotine about to fall. He frowned unbidden equations flooded his head causing hot flashes behind his eyes. He calculated the size, substance, and shape of an ax that would be most effective; then he calculated the differences in force needed to overcome the differences in structures of the watermelon vs. a human skull. He shook his head and yelled clutching his head as agony rippled down his neck and shoulders. He slid his feet over the side of the bed. He was in a hospital gown. He frowned. What had happened? How hurt was he? He took in the surroundings, basic hospital room. No clues there. He stood up and swayed a long minute. His eyes fluttered and his mouth watered. He realized his body wanted to faint. He gritted his teeth and started moving anyway. Everything swayed and rippled with double outlines.

He couldn't avoid it. He leaned over a small trash can and puked. He spat. Vomiting sucked, especially since he evidently hadn't eaten anything in a while. He straightened and took another step. Pain in his arm made him pause. He frowned. IV. He followed it to a pump with three bags hanging off of it. He knew pulling it out would send off alarms. He pulled the pump closer using the tubing. It took him all of two seconds to figure out how to turn it off. He then grabbed the cords and yanked. Blood spewed from his inner elbow. He frowned and grabbed a pillow emptying it from its case. He rolled up the cloth and tied it around his arm using his left hand and teeth.

He shuffled to the door. The corridor was the obnoxious white he'd seen in every hospital, but it was dimmer, moodier. Odd for a hospital. Either his eyes had been somehow affected by whatever the hell happened or they dimmed the lights for some semblance of night time. Another odd thing for a hospital to do. He began to wonder what kind of hospital he was in then shrugged. No one was in sight, move now think later. He frowned. He knew the voice he mentally heard speak. It was painfully familiar, soothing...he ached to remember. He rubbed his forehead as lightning streaked across his vision. He blinked away the pain and with one hand balancing against the wall slowly zombi-walked down the endless hallway.

He closed his eyes periodically to stop the floor from tilting under him. His stomach churned and twice he stopped thinking it was going to demand release again, but he managed to quash the feeling and keep moving. He reached the end of the unit and peeked out. There was a short hall with sets of double doors in all direction except one. Ahead of him was an elevator. He shrugged and hit the up button. He closed his eyes and leaned against the wall slowly breathing and shrugged trying to ease the agony settling across his shoulder. Nothing helped. His head felt three times as heavy as it usually did. He stepped into the elevator and frowned.

There were too many buttons. Ten floors underground? What kind of hospital was this? He sighed and went to push ground floor. He paused and hit B3 instead. His knees weakened at the movement of the elevator, and he leaned over to puke almost wishing he had something in his gut to expel. The lift opened to a hallway identical to the one he had been. He staggered to the one marked "Motor pool." He smiled knowing he was almost free. He walked the parking garage lifting himself over a concrete Jersey barrier. He frowned facing a locked rusty door. He knew he had to go through the door to escape. His head exploded as a klaxon sounded above his head. He held his hands over his ears and squinted against the agony. A female voice came over the blare. He couldn't follow the words, but it apparently was some code. His heart pounded. It didn't matter what the alarm was for, the pounding of his heart told him it was a bad thing. He looked down and smiled. A crumpled soda can had been thrown over to the side of the Jersey barrier. He bent, having to lean his hand against the door to keep from headbutting the concrete. He yanked the tab off wishing he had his Swiss army knife. He gritted his teeth bending the metal loop from a rectangle to a long oval. He leaned forward and with a practiced move picked the lock. The door squeaked open. A light automatically came on. He sneezed at the mustiness and locked the door behind him.

Facts scrolled across his head. He knew this tunnel led down to the vast machinery that keeps the building comfortable and safe. He could feel the vibrations rattle his bones. No one came in here unless they were going to do repairs. Motion sensitive lights lit along a long dingy corridor as he walked and turned off as he passed. He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. Exhaustion dragged every muscle. He just wanted to collapse. He forced himself to keep going. He couldn't get caught. Images of being tied up and...tortured was the only word he could come up with, although he hated that word. It made the pain and shame of being caught worse somehow. Adrenaline was dumped into his bloodstream keeping him moving. He cried out as he picked another lock and ran into a room claustrophobic with the palpable hum of machinery. He didn't think his head could hurt more.

He found a waist-high metal door and again picked the lock and crawled in shutting the door behind him. It clicked and latched, but he couldn't lock it. The door relieved some of the hum vibrating his sore skull. The crawl space had a dim blue glow of processors. He smiled. It reminded him of Christmas lights. His brain flooded with memories of people he almost knew. His eyes burned with tears. The schematic of the maze of tunnels scrolled across his mind. He had no idea where he was going but followed his instincts. Finally, his path ended at another door. This one lined with outdoor light. He stepped out and grinned breathing fresh air. He leaned his back against the side of a glass building. He frowned. It didn't feel dangerous; it felt familiar and secure. But he still had to escape. Soldiers in black armed with automatic rifles his brain automatically cataloged as M-5s (with accompanying spec and statistics) ran past in jogging formation. They searched for him. His breath caught, and his heart pounded. He ducked behind a shining dark blue Chevy Silverado. Flashes of an explosion drifted through his head. He closed his eyes gasping in agony.

After it lessened to tolerable, he picked the lock on the Chevy wincing at the time it took and the tears his roughly made pick dug into his thumb. After an eternity, the door clicked open. He scampered into the cab sprawling across the front seat. He closed the door quietly and ducked low as another group of guards stomped past. Who were these people? Where was he? What had he done?

He pushed himself upright and clung to the steering wheel a minute; everything sloshed and spun. With practiced ease, he pulled wires out from under the dash and sparked them together. He smiled as he drove across the park to the exit. A metal gate that could withstand a tank's charge crossed the drive. Again whispers of information rattled through his skull. Tungsten layered over an iron alloy...the periodic table, images of the molecules how they worked to strengthen each other...He winced and rubbed his forehead begging his sluggish mind to help him not hurt him for once.

He frowned at an electric code box. His code drifted across his mind, but he

paused. He knew the numbers shifted every 72 hours. He frowned. Knowing that didn't help. He had no idea what day it was. He frowned grimacing against the waves of pain crashing against his cranium. Formulas and statistics buzzed across his head. He knew the algorithm the gate computer used to find new codes. He grinned suddenly knowing what the most statistically probable numbers probably chosen. He typed it in and was delighted to see the gate slide smoothly back. He put the truck in gear and drove away.

Discomfort aside the feeling of freedom was intoxicating. He wound down the window and sucked in the cool if a bit polluted, air. He couldn't put a name to the city, but knew it enough he could automatically drive to a house. He parked in the drive and grinned. He was home. He bent, knowing exactly where the spare key was. He breathed in the familiar and comforting smell then giving in to exhaustion stretched out on a worn leather couch. He tugged a fluffy blanket off the back of the sofa and curled up, asleep in seconds.


	2. Chapter 2

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE ESCAPED?" Jack roared. He grabbed the aluminum tray stacked with empty food bowls and threw it halfway across the cafeteria. Matty stood calmly weathering his tornado of barely checked rage. Jack's face was the color of a radish. When he'd waken up two days after being slipped a sedative he'd been pissed; now he burned with almost murderous fury. The medical staff refused to let him see Mac until he cleaned up and ate something. He had nearly reined in his temper until Matty came in and told him Mac had vanished from the critical inpatient unit. Everyone else in the cafeteria scattered. Jack stalked over to Matty and was about to pummel her into a pile of broken bones.

Matty waited, his anger rebounding off her steady presence. Jack grabbed the sides of his head and let loose with a wordless bellow. He started to pace, battling for control. He sucked in a shaky breath and held up a hand.

"Ok, ok. This is good, right? It means he's still in there somewhere." Jack rubbed his face, wincing at the razor burned areas of his skin. He hadn't exactly wasted time going for the clean shave. Eventually, he took in a deep breath and turned to face the diminutive woman, "I'm sorry, Matty." Jack said softly. Matty smiled and took his hand in both of hers. They shared a moment regrouping.

"So where do you think Mac would go?" Matty finally asked. Jack bit his lip.

"Assuming he has all his marbles, not including his name, he could get out of here as easy as walking out the front door." Jack sighed and rubbed his hair. Matty stepped forward and pulled his arm until he looked down at her.

"Look, you know Mac better than anyone…"

"I would if his melon wasn't cracked!" Jack snapped his voice raising an octave. Matty continued ignoring Jack's outburst.

"Calm down, think. Mac's confused; he's disoriented probably scared. Where would he go?" Jack frowned.

"If he could find his way to LA, he'd go somewhere familiar, somewhere safe. He's too weak to go far."

"Bozer's been at their house since he's left. Riley is scouring all the camera feeds she can hack, but nothing so far."

"Mac would know how to evade those as easily as walking," Jack muttered.

"How about the beach?" He suggested. Matty nodded and spoke into a hand radio. Jack sighed rubbing his eyes. He wished he could just go home. Jack froze and smiled. He turned from Matty striding away.

"Dalton, where are you going?" Mattie growled taking a step after him.

"Home," Jack yelled. Matty rolled her eyes and headed to the war room.

 **M**

Jack frowned at the unfamiliar truck parked crookedly on his lawn. His heart pounded half in excitement and half fear. He automatically drew his Baretta when he saw his front door was ajar. He eased it open and stepped into his living room he cleared the house of any dangers before taking in details. Jack almost collapsed in relief. He holstered his pistol and dropped beside the couch where Mac was curled up sleeping. Jack fought the urge to scoop the kid up and never let him go. Tears streamed from the corner of his eyes as he took in the familiar breathing brother he'd thought stolen from him forever. Jack rubbed away the tears and took in a deep breath nodding.

He visually scanned Mac's injury and winced. Mac had removed the thick turban of gauze leaving the purple-black of bruising covering most of his face and neck exposed. A deep gash of blood crusted sutures crossed the bald left side of Mac's head. Jack's hand shook as he gently brushed the untrimmed bangs back from the kid's face. Mac's eyes opened slowly. Jack stepped back so he wouldn't scare his partner. Mac wasn't scared he studied Jack with a puzzled look.

"Do I know you?" Mac asked. Jack felt like a fist pounded in his gut. He managed half a smile.

"Yeah, you're my best friend, my brother." Mac nodded thoughtfully. He pushed himself up shaking with effort. Jack held off helping until Mac held out a shaky hand. Jack grinned and moved Mac to sit. Mac closed his eyes and leaned forward. He tugged at the neck of his hospital gown. Jack popped to his feet ready to grab the kid some clothes. Mac stopped him his hand digging into Jack's forearm. His eyes were wide and raked the room suspiciously. Mac's breathing tripled.

"Where are you going? What are you doing?" Jack turned and sat on the coffee table frowning. He put his hand gently on Mac's.

"Hey, easy brother. You're safe here, nobody's gonna hurt you I promise. I was gonna get you a set of clothes. Unless you like wearing that handkerchief?" Mac let go of Jack's arm. He still watched the room with anxiety, but he managed a twitch of a smile. Jack smiled and held out a hand as he stood, "why don't you come with me? You can pick out your clothes." Mac paused frowning at him then sighed. He grabbed Jack's hand and swayed as Jack hauled him upright. Mac stared at his feet as they slowly shuffled deeper into the house.

"You ok, Mac?" Mac didn't seem to hear him. Jack frowned, "Mac?" Mac looked up blankly.

"Mac? Who's Mac?" Jack felt a fist squeeze his heart. He forced his voice to remain calm.

"You are, buddy." Mac frowned.

"Really? Seems like a stupid name." Jack smiled.

"It's short for MacGyver."

"MacGyver." Mac seemed to chew on the word tasting it. Jack led Mac into the spare room. Mac sat on the bed and took in the room. He eyed Jack, "Is that a first name, last name or what? Sounds Scottish, am I Scottish? The Celtic background would be cool, although I probably wouldn't have immediate relatives in Scottland unless we're in Scottland, are we in Scottland?" Jack blinked and shook his head. He turned to pull a pair of Mac's sweats and one of Jack's old oversized Journey T-shirts out of the dresser. Mac may have lost a few marbles, but the speed of his brain hadn't changed.

"No, bud. We're in the good ol' US of A. Los Angeles to be specific." He handed Mac the clothes. Mac nodded. He ran a hand through the clothing taking in its texture. He unfolded the T-shirt.

"Journey? Do I like Journey?" Jack laughed. Mac looked at him puzzled. Jack shook his head.

"You always say they were out of date before you were born." Mac nodded and shrugged reaching to pull at the ties at the back of his neck. He winced leaning down and holding his side, "Mac, you sore?" Mac nodded.

"I think I heard them say something about broken ribs, but it's all fuzzy."

"Let me help?" Mac shrugged again. Jack bent and worked the knot until the gown fell down Mac's chest. Jack sucked in air as he took in the amount of swelling bruises across the younger man's chest. Mac looked down and ran a hand over his skin frowning. He looked up at Jack.

"What happened to me?" Jack hesitated for a heartbeat.

"There was an accident." He said. He knew sensitive intel would have to be kept from the kid until his memory returned. Jack frowned if it returned. Mac sighed and pulled the new T over his head. He picked at it and glanced at Jack.

"Why is it so big?"

"It's mine, or it was."

"We share clothes?" Mac looked skeptical taking in Jack's shorter but more muscular frame.

"Sometimes. Do you need help with the sweats?" Mac shrugged, and Jack took that as a yes. He steadied the younger man as Mac wriggled into the black sweats. Mac plopped back on the bed breathing hard his eyes closed. Jack sat beside him. While he waited for Mac to catch his breath, he pulled out his phone to send Matty a text.

"Oh, that's cool!" Mac cried as he grabbed Jack's phone. HIs eyes were wide with delight. He maneuvered the phone in his hands and the back popped off in seconds.

"No, wait! That's not…" Mac ignored Jack and started digging into the electronic guts of the device like a kid in a toy box. Jack chuckled and shook his head. Somethings never changed, thank God. He stood up and went to the living room where he had a landline. The others teased him mercilessly about keeping a landline, but he'd had to replace too many cell phones and needed to maintain a back-up. He called Matty and briefed her. She said she'd send a medical team to retrieve MacGyver. Jack nixed that immediately.

"No Matty, he needs to be somewhere he feels safe and familiar."

"Jack, he's still in critical condition, the neurologist…"

"Can make a house call if he feels the need." Jack slammed the phone down. He smiled. That's one thing land lines had over cells.

"Hey...uh...I'm sorry you didn't tell me your name?" Mac said standing in the doorway to the kitchen. He looked hesitant, insecure. He held the bits of Jack's phone in his hand. His eyes looked down with guilt.

"Jack, Jack Dalton."

"Do...is there a nickname you go by?" Jack grinned.

"No nice ones." Mac managed half a smile.

"Uh...Jack, I'm sorry I should have asked...it's just these thoughts, facts and stuff pop into my head...and…" Mac shrugged helplessly. Jack sighed and crossed to the younger man. He draped his arm across the kid's shoulders pleased Mac didn't stiffen with fear.

"I'm not surprised. That noodle of yours runs like a hamster." Mac frowned at him.

"I don't remember, but I think that's probably the most mixed metaphor I've ever heard." Jack shrugged.

"Probably." Mac yawned as he sank back on the sofa. He put the bits of Jack's phone on the coffee table.

"I think I could put it back together again if I had the right stuff." Jack waved a hand dismissing Mac's worry.

"It's not the first phone of mine you've pulled apart and probably won't be the last." Mac wrinkled his nose.

"I...grab phones and destroy them...isn't that a bit...weird?" Jack laughed.

"Nah, man. You usually have a good reason. Are you hungry?" Again Mac yawned. He moaned and ran a hand along his neck, "Hurting?" Mac nodded.

"And sleepy." Jack stood up and frowned. He had a pharmacy's worth of medicine he'd never used in the medicine cabinet, but Jack had no idea what Mac could take. He glanced at the blonde who was having a hard time keeping his eyes open.

"Why don't you lay down in the spare room? I'll wake you up when I figure out what the docs want to give you." Mac blinked at him then nodded and slowly stood. He wobbled to the back bedroom. It took all of Jack's self-control not to carry the kid in there himself, but he knew Mac needed some sense of control especially when he had so little over his brain. Jack winced. He'd have to call the neurologist which meant calling Phoenix, which meant calling Matty.

"Crap." He mumbled as he hit redial. After a thirty-minute full-toothed butt chewing, Jack finally talked to the Neurologist a Dr. Li Chen. Despite his name, the man had almost no accent. He silently listened as Jack updated him then in a soft, deliberate voice answered his questions.

"You are perfectly correct; Mac should stay with you as long as you can care for him."

"That's not a problem, Doc, that's sorta what I do, I don't suppose you could say that to Matty?" The man had a boisterous laugh that seemed to jump out of nowhere.

"I can do that, Jack." The doctor rattled off what pain meds Mac should have and promised to bring more when he came to visit in the morning. In a serious tone, he told Jack symptoms to look for if Mac got worse and needed to go to medical. Jack swallowed and nodded burning each one into his memory. After he hung up, he called Riley and Bozer. They wanted to rush over. Jack managed to reassure them and suggested they come tomorrow afternoon after the doc. Jack took a container of frozen pot roast stew he'd conned Bozer into making for him and left it in the sink to defrost. He silently crept into Mac's room and perched on an old recliner he'd insisted stay in the corner of the room for this very purpose. Jack watched Mac's chest rise and fall. Jack wiped a trickle of tears away. He had thought Mac was gone forever. While frustrating, amnesia wasn't the worst thing that could have happened. The doctors had predicted paralysis, severe mental defects, or possible brain death when they operated. After the surgery, they were a little less pessimistic but certainly not rays of sunshine in the hope department.

Jack's eyes slowly drooped shut as Mac's soft breathing soothed him to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Jack jerked awake with a snort. He blinked taking a minute to figure out where what had startled him awake.

"Son of a bitch!" Jack growled. The bed was empty and neatly made. Jack threw the blanket Mac had laid across him away and stomped down the hall, "If he ran off again, I am so gonna…what the hell?" Mac sat cross-legged on the kitchen floor bent over the skeleton of Jack's phone. The phone skeleton sprouted wires that hooked to a...something. Jack recognized the bottom as part of his vacuum. His air popcorn popper was affixed to this by a mass of circuitry sticking out of Jack's toaster. The top was an upside-down glass coffee pot filled with wires. Attached to the outside of the coffee pot was a circle of lights of all kinds and shapes. Below these were speakers and knobs from an old ham radio that hadn't worked since the '80s.

Dissected remains of most of Jack's appliances covered the kitchen tile, in the center of the chaos, Mac looked up and grinned.

"Hey! About time you woke up, did you know you snore? Could be a symptom of sleep apnea you know, or you were exhausted, have you had your tonsils or adenoids out? They might need checking." Before Jack could say a word, Mac turned back to his project. Jack frowned. Mac looked exhausted but vibrated with nervous energy. He crouched down and sadly lifted the remnants of his coffee maker. Mac glanced up and looked guilty.

"Do you like coffee? I'm sorry, I can put it back together and make it automatically feed a cup or sugar and cream…" Mac's eyes gleamed. Jack could see sparks of ideas burst across his brain. He went to leave his current thing and focus on the coffee maker. Jack could see the faraway look Mac got when lost in a flood of ideas.

"No, it's fine. What are you making?" Mac stood up and danced around the debris and crouched near the...whatever he'd made.

"This is cool! I thought about what you said about Journey, and I figured if you had a T-shirt then you must love music so I thought you might like listening so I made a polymorphic audio-robot which can...what?" Alarm interrupted the rush of Mac's speech. Jack waved a hand.

"It's ok; I just hate robots." Mac's face fell, he frowned at his machine and then his eyes lit up. "You know I can make it into a drone that can follow you around the house...all I have to do…" Mac turned to kneel beside the makeshift robot, "no, no don't this is...growing on me." Mac grinned and thrust Jack's phone in the older man's hand. Jack stared down at the blank screen mourning. Mac nodded at Jack.

"Well, go on." Jack looked up at Mac. The kid was grinning an swaying foot to foot like a child handing his mom a homemade Valentine.

"Go on and what?" Mac rolled his eyes, leaned over and tapped the screen. The screen lit up but was still blank.

"What kind of music do you like?" Mac asked.

"Uh...country I guess." Mac ran his finger across the screen making a "C." Jack jumped as the array of lights whirled into life. Jack's eyebrows raised as the glass globe started to spin. It paused then turned back. There was a click, and Johnny Cash blared across the kitchen. Mac had somehow gotten a perfect sound from the old speakers. The lights flashed in time with the beat.

"Now this is the best part!" Mac leaned over and unplugged the wires connecting the phone to the robot. He handed it to Jack, "go into the living room." Jack stood up and followed orders. He whirled hearing a soft thump following him. Mac's robot stereo buzzed after him. Jack grimaced. It was creepy like being chased by a houseware Mar's rover. He turned, and it changed direction.

"How do you stop it!" Jack squeaked. Mac laughed and leaned over running his finger in a circle on the phone's screen. The robot stereo depowered. Jack breathed a sigh of relief.

"What do you think?"

"It is pretty cool," Jack admitted. He set aside the former phone remote control. Mac grinned, "did you get any sleep?" Mac looked away but not before Jack saw a flash of despair. He shook his head.

"I can't!" Mac's voice cracked, "My brain won't shut up. I tried but I couldn't…" Mac waved his hands helplessly. He gave Jack a moist pleading look, "I don't even know what half the things I keep seeing are, but then I have to...build or…" Jack reached out and put a hand on the kid's shoulder.

"Hey, hey. It's ok; it'll get better."

"You don't know that! I'm going crazy, and I don't know anything, and it's constantly moving and...and…" Mac's trailed off his eyes filling with tears.

"Oh, kid," Jack whispered. He knew Mac's head could be a scary place, but he'd never imagined how busy it was from the inside. Jack reached out and wrapped Mac in a hug. Mac didn't stiffen like he usually did but curled into Jack wailing. Jack made reassuring noises and rubbed his brother's back.

"I'm sorry." Mac mumbled pulling away wiping his face.

"For what?" Mac looked bashful and raised a hand over the mess in the kitchen.

"I didn't ask, and now you don't have any...I can put them back together especially if you don't like robots...I should have thought first, or asked...but I couldn't and…" Jack put a hand on Mac's shoulder. The blonde shook with energy.

"Look, I've needed new stuff for awhile. Go ahead and do what you have to with all that stuff, just don't take apart anything else ok?" Mac nodded and itched the back of his neck. Jack sighed looking at the homemade R2D2, "and I do like the…"

"Polymorphic audio-robot."

"Right. Are you hungry?" Mac's eyes gleamed.

"I'm starving! I haven't eaten since...I don't remember." Mac's mouth quirked up at the corners in wry amusement.

"Careful that was almost a pun," Jack said chuckling as he climbed over the appliance warzone. He glanced at Mac to see him watching Jack puzzled.

"I don't like puns?"

"No."

"Oh. They can be clever with the two meanings overlapped…" Jack held up a hand in surrender. He opened the refrigerator rolling his eyes when there wasn't any light.

"How about eggs?" He asked.

"Do I like eggs?"

"Normally, especially with cheese."

"Then sure." Jack cooked up a pair of fat omelets, sausage, and hashbrowns. Mac ate half the plate then set it aside. He leaned forward and put his head in his hands groaning. Jack set down his fork worry spiking.

"Mac? What's going on?"

"Dizzy, my head is killing me," Mac mumbled. He looked an unhealthy chartreuse then ran to the bathroom. Jack paused to grab a towel and washcloth then followed Mac to the toilet. Mac cried out as he heaved again and again. Jack knelt down rubbing Mac's back. Finally, Mac finished. He leaned back and would have fallen over if Jack hadn't been behind him. Mac closed his eyes rubbing his forehead. Jack let Mac lean against him as he rose to his knees and wet the washcloth. He wiped the kid's face careful of the dark bruises.

"I don't like eggs." Mac moaned. Jack chuckled.

"Right now, I don't think they like you either. Are you done?" Mac struggled to his knees pausing to bend over the toilet a minute before nodding. Jack grabbed him by the armpits and pulled him to his feet. Mac swayed and put a hand on the wall to steady himself.

"Stop twisting the world around." Mac grumbled. Jack frowned.

"Let's get you to bed." Jack pulled Mac's left arm over his shoulders and wrapped his right arm around Mac's waist. Mac stumbled beside him his head ducked forward.

"My head is going to explode." Mac whimpered softly.

"It's ok, bud. I got some painkillers, and the doc is gonna be here in another hour or so." Mac grunted reaching out a hand as Jack helped him sit on the side of the bed. Mac cupped his head in his hands. Jack felt his worry increase a notch. He knelt in front of Mac and pulled his hands away from his face. Mac blinked at him and frowned.

"Why is everything blurry?" Dropping his head again, Mac groused, "I don't like this at all."

"Look at me, kiddo." Mac squinted at him. Jack studied the kid's pupils. They were still uneven, but better than they had been, "I'm going to get some medicine, you ok for a minute?" Mac moaned. Jack took that as a yes and went to the bathroom. He sorted through the bottles in his med cabinet checked the dosage and popped out two pills. Jack went to the kitchen and poured a cup of water. He returned to the spare bedroom to find it empty.

"Son of a...I'm gonna duct tape the crap out of that kid!" Jack turned. Luckily he didn't have to go far. He heard mumbling and followed it to Jack's bedroom. He frowned. Mac was curled up on the floor. Jack's pile of unpaid bills, junk mail and any other scrap of paper Jack had in his room was sprawled in front of Mac covered completely in numbers, equations and graphs. Mac crouched with a half-broken pencil over the paper, and his lips moved as he mumbled under his breath. Jack frowned, "Hey, Mac, you ok, bud?" Mac didn't look up. He held up a hand and kept writing. Jack huffed and awkwardly sat down beside Mac, "Mac? You need to take your meds." Mac didn't answer. Jack reached down and snatched Mac's pencil. Mac looked up startled. His face screwed up in pain; he rubbed his temples as if he were trying to clean rust off a tool.

"Jack, I have to get it out, I have to!" Mac's voice was tight with agony.

"Ok, kiddo. Take this. I have a sketch pad or two my niece left, I'll gather them." Mac nodded and took the pills swallowing them down. He wrinkled his nose.

"I don't like meds." Jack chuckled.

"Well, that hasn't changed." Mac looked up at him and grinned.

"Really?" Jack nodded. He went back to the spare room and dug into the closet. He found two thick pads of blank paper and a box of colored pencils. He shrugged and gathered them. Jack retraced his steps finding Mac pacing in the living room rubbing his temples. He looked up his eyes wide as he grinned and grabbed the paper and pencils. Mac spun then froze. He slowly turned back to Jack scowling, "Uh...we...we've...are you, my friend? I mean I didn't ask and went and took your papers and things which isn't cool...and you didn't yell, and I should have thought of you...but I thought of myself and if we are friends...well you're a good friend and I'm sorry I'm such a bad friend...but I'll try...I'll try to be a better friend but these...this...I have to get it out. You understand, don't you? Are you mad? Please don't be mad? You're the only person I know...or at least that I know that I know and…"

Jack blinked taking in the rapid-fire babbling. Mac was tearful again, and his body moved from foot to foot as if he were fighting running. Jack caught Mac by his arms and gently shook him.

"Mac? MAC!" Mac's eyes focused on him. They were wide as plates. Jack smiled, "Kid take a deep breath, ok?" Jack took a deep breath Mac followed suit. Jack continued his coaching until Mac was calm, or at least not climbing out of his skin, "Ok, that's better. Mac you are more than my friend, you're my best friend, we're like brothers. I'm not worried about papers or appliances or anything else except you, alright. Keep breathing, that's it. And you are not a bad friend. I know you have trouble with impulses right now, that's not your fault. You have a hell of a head wound." Mac stared at Jack a long minute his Adam's apple bobbing. His hand absently reached up and moved to touch the stitches and lump on the side of his head. Jack caught his hand and tugged him to the couch. Mac sat down then bounced up a second later. Jack pulled him back down.

"Sit, breathe, go ahead and write whatever is flipping through that ginormous brain of yours. It's gonna be ok." Mac looked down. His hands shook and flexed with their need to move. His knees bounced. Jack put a hand on the kid's shoulder.

"Mac? You ok?" Mac looked away and nodded. He pulled out the paper and moved to the middle of the floor. In seconds, Mac lost himself in his scribblings. Jack leaned back and wiped his face. He couldn't imagine how horrible this must be for Mac. Jack leaned back and sighed. Jack went to pull out his phone then rolled his eyes. He stared at the R2D2 stereo and shook his head smiling.

An hour later, Dr. Li arrived. Jack opened the door and grinned motioning the small balding man inside. Dr. Li took in the room in a second and set down a black leather doctor's bag. He wore grey slacks and a yellow button-down with short sleeves.

"I didn't think Docs still used black bags," Jack said. Dr. Li smiled and sat on the couch watching Mac.

"Most don't, but most don't make house calls either." Jack sat next to him.

"Yeah about that, I can't thank you enough…" Dr. Li waved a hand.

"Don't worry about it; Mac is fascinating there's gotta be a paper in it somewhere." The man's dark eyes almost vanished in wrinkles with his laugh. Jack chuckled.

"If it wasn't for the super secret spy thing…" Jack joked.

"Yes, there is that. How is he?" Jack frowned and told the doctor everything that happened since Mac escaped from Phoenix. Dr. Li gave Jack his undivided attention. Jack had used that phrase millions of times but he never really knew what it meant until now. The man was as still as a quiet pond; his eyes concentrated pools of compassion and intelligence. Jack didn't think he even blinked. It was more than a little unnerving. Jack found himself looking away focusing on Mac who sprawled like a child coloring careful to stay in the lines. When he finished Dr. Li nodded. He sat down beside Mac pulling his bag with him. Mac didn't notice him.

"Hello MacGyver." Dr. Li said quietly. Mac didn't look up. The doctor put his hand over Mac's stilling the scratching pencil. Mac looked up surprised. He backed up to his knees, his eyes wide as he sucked in a surprised breath. He calmed when he saw Jack on the sofa. Mac frowned.

"Do I know you?"

"I'm Dr. Li Chen; I'm a member of the neurology team looking after you." Again Mac's hand traveled to his wound. Dr. Li redirected the hand down offering a handshake.

"How big of a team? How do they all know me?" Mac's gaze kept jumping to Jack making sure he was still there.

"Calm, Mac. Breathe, remember?" Jack said softly. Mac looked over at him and nodded taking a deep breath. He offered a half smile.

"I'm sorry...I don't...I don't…" Mac threw up his hands.

"It's ok, Mac. Do you mind if I assess you?" Mac grinned and looked at Jack like a kid opening a Christmas gift.

"Really? That's so cool!" Dr. Li Chen smiled. Each item he pulled out of the bag Mac asked a hundred questions about in a breathless wonder. Mac stared at the bag waiting to see the next magical thing come out. Dr. Li was endlessly patient taking time to explain what he was doing, what happened with the nerves, what he thought it showed. He even managed to field questions about who discovered this or the research and where was it conducted and why he had to do it this way instead of that approach. Jack yawned. Dr. Li was a saint, Jack was worn out just watching.

"Ok, Mac." Mac had the tomahawk shaped reflex hammer in one hand and was dinging different sized tuning forks mumbling about resonance and the math of musical notes. Dr. Li gently reached out and took the tools away from Mac who watched it vanish in the black bag with a forlorn frown. Dr. Li ducked his head until Mac was forced to focus on his face. The neurologist tried again. "Ok, Mac. There's no doubt your functioning memory is perfect, can we check you're personal databank?" 

"My brain isn't a data bank, although there probably is a similarity except for the flow of electricity would be different based on the tensile conductivity of the neuron tissue and some neurotransmitters…" Mac moaned and closed his eyes rubbing his temples. Jack moved forward. Dr. Li held up a calming hand. He reached out and pulled Mac's hands down in his own. Mac looked at him pleading in his blue eyes, "I'm sorry...it won't stop...I can't...I know it's rude, but it keeps going, and I have to…" Mac's eyes flooded with tears. Dr. Li Chen held Mac's hands and gave him the complete power of his compassion.

"Breathe, ok? In...out...that's it...in...out, great job. Relax. It's your brain's way of compensating for the injury it suffered."

"Wh...wi...will it get better?" Mac whispered. Dr. Li Chen smiled.

"Yes, but it'll take time."

"Completly better? Like I know who I was...am?" Dr. Li frowned.

"I hope so. Now let me give you a quiz to see how you're doing with that, ok?" Mac sniffed and nodded, "Ok, what's my name?"

"Dr. Li Chen."

"Ok, what's his?"

"Jack Dalton."

"And yours?"

"Mac."

"Mac what?"

"MacGyver." Dr. Li nodded.

"Do you know your first name?" Mac blinked at him as if the thought never occurred to him.

"I have one?" Dr. Li Chen nodded. Mac frowned and closed his eyes. He looked up tense with frustration, "I don't know...something Scottish?"

"It's ok, Mac. Do you remember your Mother?" Mac stared at the smaller man in horror.

"Parents! I must have parents! Do they miss me? Do they know where I am? I should call them; I didn't even think…" Mac's body again vibrated with the need to move. Jack looked down rubbing his eyes taking steadying breaths.

"Mac, they know where you are, they're fine. Breathe...in...out...that's it, are you alright to continue?"

"I want to know who I am," Mac said his voice a harsh rasp. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath then nodded, "Ok, go ahead."

"Do you remember yesterday?" Mac rubbed his forehead wincing.

"I was at a...a...beds, white...hospital! That's it! I was tied up! I was captured! They were going to hurt me! I had to get out...I have to go…" Mac's eyes widened with panic that pulled him to his feet; his bouncing eyes searched for a way to flee. Dr. Li glanced at Jack who nodded. Dr. Li let Mac go. Mac stood up and turned to run out the door. Jack caught him. Mac twisted.

"I have to go! They're going to come..they...not again...no, no, NO!" Mac screamed and fought for freedom. Jack held on being as gentle as he could.

"Mac, MAC! You're ok, you're safe, I'm not gonna let anything happen to you, I promise." Mac struggled less but still panted with fear. Jack reached up and cupped Mac's face with both hands forcing Mac to meet his gaze, "I promise." Mac calmed as he studied Jack's face measuring his sincerity, "I promise." Jack said more emphatically. Mac nodded looking down.

"Because we're like brothers," Mac whispered. Jack nodded smiling. He put a hand on Mac's narrow shoulders.

"That's right." Mac nodded and cried out holding a hand to the side of his head. Dr. Li Chen was next to him in an instant. Mac leaned forward.

"My head is going to explode!" Mac wailed scrunching his eyes closed. A trickle of blood ran out of his nose. Jack looked at Dr. Li Chen alarmed. Mac rubbed his nose and looked at the blood curiously. He looked at Jack and instantly picked up on the older man's panic.

"Jack? What's happening? Jack, am I ok?" Mac began to tip out of control again. Dr. Li Chen pushed Jack aside and grabbed Mac by both arms leading him over to the couch.

"Easy, Mac. Breathe...that's it...in...out...good. I have some medicine that'll help, but it'll make you sleepy." Mac nodded calming down. Jack crossed to the kitchen and cursed as he tripped on parts of his blender. He grabbed a towel and returned to Mac's side showing the kid how to press it against his nose. Mac's eyes widened as Dr. Li drew up a long needle of cloudy medicine. Jack put a hand on Mac's shoulders to keep him sitting.

"That's a needle." Mac said his voice tight as he pushed back away from Dr. Li Chen as far as he could, "I'm pretty sure I don't like needles." Jack closed his eyes but couldn't hide his smile.

"It's ok, bud. This medicine will help." Mac kept pushing back and was now climbing onto Jack's lap.

"I...I know I don't like needles...can't we do a...a pill? Lozenge?...drink...grape maybe, I'll even drink lime…!" The last was cut off by an indignant yelp as Dr. Li grabbed a tiny roll of fat and shot the medicine in using one quick, practiced move. Mac stood up and pushed past the two men jumping up and down rubbing his hip as if it were on fire.

"That hurt! That really, really hurt!" Mac wailed in betrayal, "I HATE SHOTS!" Tears dribbled down his cheeks. Jack felt his heartbreak and stood up easing Mac into a comforting hug. Mac clung to Jack shaking. 

"It's ok, kiddo. The worst part's over." Jack murmured.

"That was the worst thing I ever felt in my life!" Mac sniffed. Jack frowned looking over Mac's shoulder at the Doc. He realized that with Mac's memory gone, it probably was.


	4. Chapter 4

Mac jerked awake with a gasp. He sucked in air frantically searching the room. Mac let out a long, slow breath and closed his eyes fighting tears. He sat up and rested his head in his arms crossed on his bent knees. Mac had almost had it. He'd been floating in a void surrounded by fragments of a broken mirror. He's stretched and twisted until it hurt but couldn't grab a single piece. The metaphor was obvious.

Mac took in his surroundings. He laid on the living room floor of...Jack's house circled by piles of paper. Mac was pleased. At least everything wasn't gone. He followed a rhythmic sawing. Jack was sprawled on the couch asleep. Mac hadn't known Jack long, or at least he didn't remember knowing Jack long, but he already felt a connection with the older man. Jack had an endless well of patience and compassion. Mac looked down at his feet. One he was pretty sure he didn't deserve.

Mac yawned and remembered the doctor's visit. He pulled up his shirt and grimaced at the round bruise. Shots, Mac despised shots. At least he knew that for sure. He shook his head wincing at the flare of pain in his skull and neck. The injection had made him sleepy, but his head was a bit quieter. He supposed that was a win for the doctor, although it galled him to admit it Mac wondered if his brain always ran wild like that. If it did, maybe this forgetting thing...amnesia that's it, was for the better. Mac pushed aside a blanket smiling. He must have fallen asleep writing, and Jack set him up with a pillow and blanket. Mac sighed, looking at Jack feeling a flush of...love? Fondness? Co-dependence? Mac groaned softly rubbing his temples. Shut up, shut up, shut up.

Mac picked up the drawing pad. Equations and symbols he couldn't name were scrawled in tiny tight writing filling every inch of the paper in different colors. Mac frowned there was a pattern of colors. He stood up blinking as everything spun around him. His head throbbed. His stomach threatened inversion. When he could stand it, he stared down at the paper and turned it with his toe. Among all the colors the red formed letters.

"Where is Angus?" Mac read aloud. He moaned as an explosion surrounded him, pain, blood...he slammed into the dusty ground. Nearby was a fire, a truck obliterated...his heart thumped, and he felt a hammer bash the side of his head caving in bones, breaking his brain...Mac opened his mouth to scream but no air came out. He desperately tried to suck it in, feed his starving lungs. His eyes sprung open as his body rocked back and forth. Someone was leaning over him; he didn't know anything! Where was he? What was going on? Floating on the desert's wind, he heard a familiar voice...he reached for it, stretching, twisting…

"Jack!" He finally gasped. Mac blinked realizing he was looking up into the face of a... _you're my best friend, like a brother really._ Mac took a deep breath and let it out, "Jack." He whispered. Jack sat back helping Mac slowly sit up, "What was that?" Mac husked. Jack looked at him oddly.

"You tell me. What happened? I was sound asleep then woke up when I heard a boom and found you on the floor having some sorta fit." Mac blinked his brain taking a second to translate the words into ideas, "Was it a nightmare, bud?" Mac frowned.

"I don't think so. I was awake. I looked at this then there was an explosion...and a truck was burning...I fell, but it wasn't carpet it was sand...then...then…" Mac's voice dropped into silence. He blinked and shrugged looking at Jack. Jack's eyes were wide, and he was grinning, "what?"

"Dude, that wasn't a dream that was a memory." Mac's eyes widened.

"Really? Huh." Mac looked down frowning. Jack put a hand on his shoulder worry in his face.

"Mac, what's wrong? This is a good thing." Mac nodded.

"I gotta go to the bathroom." He blurted before he stood up and stalked to the bathroom. Mac leaned against the closed door breathing hard listening to his heart race. Why did the idea of getting his memory back terrify him? Mac turned and leaned over the sink. He glanced up in the mirror and gave a startled yell whirling. His eyes raked the room.

"Mac, you ok?" Jack called from the other side of the door. Mac swallowed getting his breathing under control.

"Yeah, I'll be out in a minute." His voice was shakier than he liked but the heavy footfalls walked away. Slowly Mac turned around and slid his eyes open. He took in a quick breath and touched his cheek. The ghoulish stranger in the mirror did the same. Was it him? Mac stuck out his tongue; the mirror stuck out his tongue. Yep. Damn. Mac stared at the face feeling...sad? Grief? Disgust? Half of his face was ok, he supposed, all blond hair and dimples. The other half was an angry purple-black tinged with yellow. The eye was completely red. Stubble stuck out of a purple scalp, and there was a railroad of staples spreading across his skull. He looked like...Frankenstein? Two-face? Mac had no idea who they were, but the twisting in his gut told him he didn't like them, but not in a scare you silly way more of an...annoyed way. Mac sighed and used the toilet. He washed his hands and dabbed his face in water careful not to look in the mirror.

To his surprise, Jack was standing outside the door with his arms crossed. Mac stepped back. The man radiated...anger? Frustration? Mac wished these feelings would come with a label that made sense. Jack blinked in surprise when Mac stepped back fear on his face. He realized that Mac had picked up on his tension but couldn't interpret it like normal. He eased his stance and gentled his voice.

"It's ok, brother. I'm not mad." Mac looked skeptical, "I'm worried." Mac took a tentative step forward studying the older man. He nodded and relaxed.

"Ok, it's ok. I'm just not sure…" Mac threw up his hands and felt tears burn in his eyes. Was he always such a crybaby? To his surprise, Jack stepped forward and wrapped him in a tight hug. Mac stood stiffly wondering what this was all about. He winced; his ribs hurt but he returned the squeeze thinking it'd be rude not to. Mac's eyes went up as he felt the older man's body shake. Mac opened his mouth to say something then suddenly realized Jack was crying. Mac felt...his heart was too big, too full of...he huffed in frustration and held on to Jack hoping for the best. One of them had to keep it together; it was scary to think it might end up being him.

After a forever, Jack finally pulled back. Mac frowned at the drained sadness he saw there.

"Are you ok?" Mac asked his voice squeaked with barely controlled panic. Jack took a deep breath and stepped into the bathroom around Mac to wipe his face with a towel.

Jack took an extra minute wiping his face before he turned to Mac. Mac stared at him his eyes bugging out. The kid looked like he was waiting for Jack to explode. Despite himself, Jack chuckled. He put out a hand to put his arm around Mac's shoulder. Mac stepped back.

"Are you going to do...do...that again?" Jack realized he'd freaked Mac out. He shook his head.

"Nah, I'm ok kiddo." Mac breathed out and gave Jack a relieved grin.

"Good, I wasn't sure what the hell was going on." Mac allowed Jack to pull him closer. Mac bit his lip deep in thought.

"Whatcha thinking, Mac?" Mac looked up surprised. He might not know diddly about reading people, feelings or anything really, but Jack sure did.

"I have a question." Mac's voice was tentative, nervous. Jack let go of his shoulders and turned to face him.

"Ok?" Mac bent down. Jack's heart lurched as he steadied the kid. Mac stood up holding up the paper he'd been scrawling on. He turned it to face Jack.

"What's an Angus?" Jack gaped at the paper and took it from Mac. His eyes filled with tears as he looked at Mac with wonder. Mac took a step back eyeing Jack with worry. Jack grinned and studied the drawing. That's what it was. Jack had thought Mac had been going nuts with math and nerd-stuff, and he had, but some part of Mac had been reaching out at the same time. His friend was still in there; Jack flooded with hope as he studied the picture marveling at how brilliant Mac's ginormous brain was even when cracked like an egg. In the red letters was the question, "Where is Angus?" written over and over.

"Jack? You ok?" Jack looked up at the dread in Mac's voice.

"I am fantastic, you are so…" A knock on the door made them both jump. Jack handed Mac the picture. Mac looked at it and shrugged throwing it in a growing stack of papers filled with writing.

"Mac! Oh my God!" Mac looked up to see a black guy stride toward him and pull him into a python-strong hug. Mac's arms were trapped at his sides, and his ribs were on fire. He tried to gasp for air but couldn't. He desperately looked at Jack, but the older man was talking to a pretty girl with dark hair piled in braids on her head. Jack turned with a smile on his face. His smile turned to alarm when he saw Mac's predicament.

"Whoa there Bozer! Don't break him in half now." Bozer let Mac go. Mac listed to the side seeing only swirling spots. Jack caught his arm and helped him stagger to the couch. Mac closed his eyes as everything twisted into a dizzy mess around him.

"Shit! I'm sorry Mac...I didn't think…" Was the voice...upset? Afraid? Petrified? Mac took a deep breath and reluctantly opened his eyes. He looked up to see three sets of eyes staring down at him. Somehow Mac had ended up laying down.

"It's ok...I'm ok," Mac said pushing himself to sit. The black man dove forward to help. Mac braced for another terminal squeeze, but the man was gentle. Mac studied him and frowned. He sighed.

"I know you, then?" Bozer leaned back as if Mac slapped him. Mac's lip trembled, evidently he'd hurt the man who had been so kind, well except the whole almost killing thing. Mac didn't hold it against him, he figured he'd be a bit freaked out too, or at least he thought he would…

"Mac, this is Bozer. He's been your best friend since you guys were kids." Mac frowned up at Jack.

"I thought you said you were my best friend." Jack and Bozer shared an amused look.

"I'm Riley." The woman said to distract Mac. He scowled at her.

"Are you a best friend too?" Riley grinned. Mac liked her smile.

"Sure." Mac shook his head and rubbed his forehead. His head was throbbing.

"I'm sorry, I must be confused on what I thought best meant...I thought there could only be one…I have a lot of best friends." Mac gave up and shrugged and offered a shy smile.

"Glad to meet you, again I guess...what's THAT!" Mac's eyes widened to plates, and he leaped forward grabbing a long box from under Riley's arm. He grinned studying the three-foot-long box. It was a scaled model of the Titanic. He ripped it open and scurried to the middle of the room pushing the pile of papers aside. In seconds he had all of the plastic parts out and sorted. Mac stopped and looked up seeing the three watching him. Again he felt a lump in his throat. They didn't look mad, but he'd gotten it wrong again.

"I...I'm sorry...that was rude...I can put it back in the box...and...and retape it...but it won't be like it was...I…ruined it, I'm sorry…" Riley and Bozer stared at him as tears began to run down Mac's face and he looked at them mortified. Jack knelt beside Mac and put his arm on the kid's shoulders.

"Hey, hey. It's ok; they bought it for you so you'd have something to do to keep that ginormous brain from getting too busy." Mac studied Bozer and Riley for traces of anger. Bozer grinned and sat down on the floor beside Mac. He unfolded the directions.

"I know you don't remember, but we did this a lot when we were kids. Mama would go buy us all kinds of models to keep you away from the toaster oven and coffee maker." Mac looked up at Jack guiltily.

"I take stuff apart...even when it isn't mine? Isn't that...weird?" The three of them stared at him then burst into laughter. Mac frowned confused. Bozer put his hand on Mac's arm.

"Mac, you have no idea exactly how weird you are."

"Is that a...good thing?"

"Absolutely." Mac breathed out in relief and smiled. He pulled out the long curved pieces of metal that would end up being the hull, "Look at that line…" He then began to babble every fact he knew about the Titanic. Jack sat beside Riley and watched the two men work together. In between the string of statistics and data, Bozer would fill in stories of their childhood. Mac's eyes gleamed at the idea of them owning a tree house and he looked at Jack pleadingly. Jack laughed.

"Maybe we'll go when you feel better." Mac grinned and turned back to their work.

"This is like looking back through time." Riley murmured. Jack nodded. He did feel like a father watching his two sons play. He grinned at Riley and pulled her into a hug. Two sons and a daughter, he was one of the luckiest men in the world.


	5. Chapter 5

Mac was lost. He'd been working on the model with Bozer then a giant's fist threw him into a swirling kaleidoscope. Pictures of blood and pain flashed through his mind like a strobe light. Mac tied up, torture, blood pouring from brutal wounds, tied up, unable to stop others from hurting him, terror, screams...Mac covered his ears but couldn't quiet the violence. Explosions, black charred ruins of buildings, bodies, vehicles, smells...Mac gagged, choked...Running, escaping, Jack screaming, covered in blood some his, some not...Panic, have to save...failure, death...Mac yelled, but couldn't shut out the pounding of his heart. Others hurt because of him, he couldn't help…

Jack bolted at the first cry. He was skidding to his knees beside Mac before he mentally made the transition from sleeping soundly to awake. Mac had fallen asleep while playing on the floor. Bozer had helped Jack gather the half-built Titanic and put the piles neatly on the kitchen table. Riley had tucked a pillow and blanket around the sleeping man. The three had murmured sharing their worry. In the middle of the night, the two younger teammates had left. Jack had sprawled on the couch and watched Mac sleep peacefully until his eyes closed, and Jack joined his partner in sound slumber.

Then Mac screamed. Mac was curled into a ball, sitting with his knees tight against his chest, eyes closed tight, and his hands pressed against his ears. Mac rocked back and forth. Jack's heart pounded with the sound. It was a sound that chased him through his darkest memories. These weren't the shrieks of remembered trauma; these were the wails of living the worst horrors a man could suffer at this very moment.

"Mac, Mac, MAC!" Jack gently shook Mac's shoulder. Mac's eyes flared open wide. The kid gasped for air. He howled skittering away from him with the desperate need to escape. Mac pushed back until he hit the wall. Mac pressed himself against it eyes darting around the room like a trapped animal, "Whoa, easy, easy kiddo. You're ok." Jack moved back slowly, held up his hands, and forced his body to project calm. Mac managed to push to his feet and fled to the back bedroom. Jack took a deep breath and rubbed his face waiting for the force of the storm to settle a little.

Jack realized that this was a defenseless flashback. Usually, Mac could hold onto the strength of his personality, the knowledge that this was only a memory, and the safety he felt with Jack. Mac didn't have that now. Jack blurred with Mac's disjointed half-memories. He saw Jack as just another person who wants to hurt him, maybe even as someone who beat him in the past crushing traumas. Jack rubbed his face. The sound of Mac wailing with despair shattered him. Jack closed his eyes; his hands balled into fists wanting to help his friend, but you can't punch ghosts from the past.

Jack waited until Mac slowed to choking sobs. Jack gathered himself and slowly walked to the back bedroom.

"Mac?" He said in the soothing calm tone he used to approach frightened horses. He paused at the door and reached in clicking on the light. Jack peeped around the doorframe but couldn't see Mac. Jack realized he was probably hiding in the corner of the closet. Jack looked at the ceiling his eyes wet. Mac suppressed his fear trying to mute his gasping hiccups. Jack eased to the bed and sat on it. He could see Mac's frightened eye watch him from a tiny crack he'd left when closing the door. Jack ignored it as if he didn't see it.

"I know you're scared, brother. You probably saw some things in that head of yours you don't understand...some terrifying things, right?" Jack heard the stuttering inhale. Jack leaned back on his bed facing the ceiling with his arms crossed behind his head.

"Those are memories, kiddo. Horrors you and I went through together." Jack didn't add that some happened because Jack hadn't been there. Mac was breathing slower, "I can't imagine how awful this must be, but you have to know I would die to protect you…" Jack's voice broke, and he wiped away a stream of hot tears. He took in a shaky breath of his own, "I wish I could take all of your confusion and pain away if it could happen to me instead of you...I'd do it in a heartbeat…" Jack closed his eyes trying to still his sobs with skipping deep breaths. He looked over at the sound of the closet door sliding open, just a little. Jack could see both of Mac' red-rimmed eyes, wet cheeks, and trembling lip. The kid was breathing too fast, and he was tense. Jack had no doubt Mac would bolt at any hint of threat. Jack waited offering Mac a small smile he hoped looked encouraging. Mac stared at him a long time.

"W...w...why?" Mac finally whispered.

"Why what, kiddo?" Mac wiped his face with a shaking hand.

"Why...so much...bad…" Jack took in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Your life has been hard, bud. When we met, we were in a war in a desert a long way away from home. You are the bravest, smartest, most heroic man I've ever met, brother. I can't count the number of times we've gone to hell together, and you've saved my life. I would do anything for you. You have to feel the truth of that in there somewhere?" Jack winced at the naked pleading in his voice. Mac frowned and pushed the door open more. He studied Jack for a long time, then opened the door completely. He made no move to come out, but Jack felt a burst of hope.

"I...we were in a truck that blew up...it wasn't an accident, was it?" Mac pushed his words out between short rapid breaths. Jack frowned. He knew it was protocol not to reveal anything about their missions or Phoenix, but looking into those skittish and confused blue eyes...fuck protocol.

"No, it wasn't. We were in Myanmar…"

"Formerly Burma has 1930 miles of sea coast abutting the Bengal and Andaman seas. Other borders are India, Thailand, and Bangladesh, the population of about 51 million…" Mac trailed off closing his eyes. Jack waited. He knew Mac was riding a wave of trivial information about Myanmar his brain processing too fast for him to form words. Mac's face screwed up in pain and he rubbed his temples. Jack slid to sitting in one smooth move forgetting for a second how this would startle his partner.

Mac's eyes filled with panic and he hunched back. Jack silently cursed himself and slowly leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees. Mac stared at him a long minute searching Jack's face and body for any hostility or tightness. Jack sighed relaxing as much as he could.

"S...so we were in Myanmar?" Mac's voice was a hushed whisper. Jack nodded.

"Yeah, we had to get some information to stop a terrorist cell that...a bunch of bad guys. We'd almost gotten away when they shot a rocket at us." Mac frowned pushing his bangs back. Jack could see the furrow on his forehead. The kid was hurting. Jack had to fight not to gather him up in his arms and try to hug away everything wrong the kid ever faced. Jack rubbed his eyes determined to hold his pain inside. Mac studied him.

"Are you ok?" Mac asked softly. Jack looked up startled. Mac's face held his typical look of concern. Jack chuckled and wiped his face with both hands and smiled.

"Yeah, I'm...I'm ok." Jack couldn't put his feelings into words. The happiness Mac was in there somewhere and occasionally peeped out was indescribable. Mac looked puzzled. Jack rubbed his forehead laughing.

"Why are you laughing?" Mac's demand, laced with a confused level of irritation, made Jack laugh harder, "Are you going hysterical? That would be bad, because…" Mac climbed out of the closet hesitant and insecure. Jack didn't fight it, he reached out and pulled Mac into a hug. Mac yelped in surprise and stood stiff and shocked. Jack didn't care he closed his eyes taking in the familiar scent, normal breathing...Mac was alive! Jack's heart sang as Mac huffed and slowly returned the hug not quite sure what was happening but realizing it would help Jack. Jack held on until he could feel Mac squirming with impatience. Jack let the kid go and wiped his eyes. He looked down and took deep breaths feeling a knot inside unwind.

"Are you sure you're ok?" Mac asked. Jack looked up at him. Mac eyeballed Jack like he was a bug-eyed alien.

"I'm fantastic. Are you ok?" Jack asked his humor evaporating at

the unease and tension in Mac's stiff body and roving eyes. Mac turned taking in everything in the room, looked at Jack biting his lip then slowly sat on the bed beside Jack. Jack forced himself not to close the three feet between them. Mac's eyes bobbed from his hands clasped in his lap and Jack. Jack could see his partner was struggling to explain something.

"Mac, you can tell me anything." Jack offered softly. Mac nodded and took a deep breath.

"What would happen to me if I'm never...me again? The old me, I mean." Jack blinked at the level of fear. He went to reach out and stopped when Mac flinched. Jack laid his hand on the bed. Jack heard the question under the question.

"Mac, I wouldn't love you any less if you never get better. I made you a promise a long time ago that I would never abandon you and over the years I have done everything in my power never to let you down." Mac nodded considering Jack's words.

"But I couldn't...couldn't…" Mac waved his hand frustrated, unable to come up with the word to encompass everything. Jack smiled.

"I don't care about that Mac. We are family and family never bails, no matter what. I'd be over the moon to have you back to your normal ornery self, kiddo. I think that will happen if these nightmares are anything to go by, but even if it doesn't happen, I will always be there whenever you need me." Mac's eyes dampened as he studied Jack's face and only saw sincerity. Mac offered a tepid smile and looked down at the floor staring at his feet.

"Are you hungry? Bozer left his homemade waffle mix."

"Do I like Bozer's waffles?" Jack laughed and walked to the hall. Mac didn't shy away as Jack passed by him. A definite mark in the win column.

"Kiddo, everybody likes Bozer's waffles!"


	6. Chapter 6

***** Jack's family and ranch history have been created by the lovely Ridley C. James (Read her stuff it's fantastic! Especially Nana Beth's painting hobby!) LOL.  
**

Mac felt like his skin was too tight, wrinkled, fit wrong. He paced clutching his forehead moaning. He'd tried to work on the Titanic, make something or even write, but everything seeped away into a confused cloud. He paced the house pausing to stop and lean on a wall. He looked up relieved to see Jack snoring in the back bedroom. Mac smiled stopping to watch him.

During the day, Jack had tried to keep Mac occupied. Mac closed his eyes swimming in guilt. His brain wouldn't shut up, wouldn't calm down. It also hurt a lot more; everything was wavy like a mirage or dream that would vanish. Nothing was stable or made sense. Mac had managed to keep how bad he really felt from Jack. The older man had gone above and beyond more than Mac deserved, no matter how good a friend Jack said he was. Mac didn't eat lunch or much of supper. When Jack looked away, he'd snuck it into the garbage. The idea of eating anything made him shake with nausea.

Jack started yawning and looked glassy-eyed. Mac realized the man was going to drop. Mac bit his lip and had an idea. He wandered into the back bedroom and curled up in the recliner. Mac fell into a doze. Sure enough a few minutes Jack came in and tucked a blanket around him. Jack then took off his shoes and climbed into the bed. Mac sat up and silently watched the older man fall into a deep snore.

Mac jumped at a loud explosion outside. His heart leaped into his throat. He took a deep breath and got up wrapping the blanket around him. That had been four hours ago. The storm had built to a terrifying crescendo of thunder bangs and lightning flashes. Mac paced holding the side of his head. It was going to explode. He jumped with every boom seeing flashes of explosions, hearing screams. Every pulse of lightning was a sword stabbing into his head. Mac couldn't focus, his fear throbbed across his scalp. He felt trapped, small, afraid.

He jumped at a double boom and leaned against the wall shivering. Mac cradled his head in an arm. Stop, stop, stop. Please stop. But it didn't. Mac was cold. He wasn't surprised to feel tears dousing his face again. As he watched the wash of water down the windows he felt unreal; he was just a plane of glass slammed by earthshaking violence. The wind had giant claws that grabbed the house and threatened to snatch it away. The swishing trees outside the window were skeletons until lit by flashbulbs of light, then faces looked in, monsters that knew everything about him, but he couldn't remember. Terrifyingly painful. His head creaked like a dam about to burst. Mac bit back a keening wail shaking with fear. Everywhere he turned was something scary. He was alone, trapped. Mac was suffocating, dying, alone...He bit his lip; he didn't want to bother Jack. The man had done so much for him.

Still, Mac found himself creeping into the back bedroom. The room was warm, calm. Jack slept soundly. Mac closed his eyes. It was like coming home to a soft fire with friends. Mac jumped as the house shook, the demons outside crawling through the windows, the doors...Mac closed his eyes and dropped the blanket. He sat on the corner of Jack's bed for a second. He shook more than the trees outside. His head was cracking at the seams. Giving in, he crept under the blanket and cuddled to Jack's side resting his head on Jack's chest. He closed his eyes trying to still his shaky breathing. Jack's heartbeat was calm, safe. He had to stay for just a minute then he'd be ok and could go back to the recliner. Just a second.

His heart lurched and he jumped as a boom seemed to smash into the wall behind him. Mac squeezed his eyes and felt his skull rattle in agony; he couldn't tell if the flashes were inside his head or outside destroying the whole world. He shook more. Mac jumped crying out as a warm arm wrapped around his shoulders.

"Mac? You ok?" Jack's voice was drowsy and worried. Mac couldn't form words. He could feel dirty claws digging for his windpipe to yank it out, a cold corpse's fist, shaking him apart. "Hey, hey...easy, it's ok." Mac reached out and clung to Jack's shirt.

"Please, please, please...I'm sorry…" Mac stuttered in a barely audible whisper.

"Hey, easy kiddo. I'm not going anywhere. Here, storm got ya messed up, huh?" Mac jumped at another bang of thunder. He gasped for air as his brain boiled inside his head.

"Please, please, please…" He mumbled over and over shivering like a dog abandoned on a miserable street. Mac had no idea what he was pleading for or from who, his head hurt he couldn't think. He was dimly aware of being dragged to Jack's side and laid across his chest. Jack grabbed blankets and covered them both up, "s...s...sorry, sorry, sorry…" Mac said, tears spilling down his shuddering face.

"Shhh, it's ok, just close your eyes...I promise you I won't let anything hurt you. Close your eyes, it's ok, I promise." Mac's body spasmed with sobs. He couldn't think past the waves of pain, cold and primal fear. Jack wrapped an arm around him and slowly began to rub Mac's back. Mac closed his eyes and grabbed Jack's shirt tighter. He tried to focus on Jack's soothing heartbeat, but fireworks crackled through his head worse than the ones outside. Jack pulled him closer.

"My grandparents have a ranch…" Jack began. He began to talk about horses and dogs, even a pig his Nana Beth let roam free like a pet. Mac listened to his voice as it echoed across his chest. He told Mac about J.D, his Grandfather...Mac leaned in closer. Jack was warm. Calm. Mac's eyes drifted closed, and he began to breathe as he imagined riding a horse in the warm Texas sun...Mac relaxed to Jack's gentle heartbeat matching the soothing rhythm of his hand rubbing Mac's back. Mac stopped shaking. The monsters couldn't get him, he was safe. Mac fell asleep.

Jack looked down at Mac with a frown. The storm outside must have triggered the kid's overactive imagination. Jack should have foreseen this coming. He should have picked up on Mac's ploy to get Jack to sleep in the bed. Jack absently pulled back the remnants of Mac's bangs. Mac groaned and gripped Jack's shirt tighter. Jack wondered if the kid was going to pull it apart. Jack let out a content sigh. If he did, he did. Jack didn't care if he did or not, but the idea Mac had been that upset burned. Once again he'd let Mac down.

"Oh, kid." Jack murmured running his fingers gently along the short fuzz growing around his surgical incision. In Jack's imagination he could imagine the smack of bone on stone, the cooling body...Jack shook his head and pulled Mac even closer. No, Mac was alive. He survived. Jack closed his eyes falling asleep to that mantra playing in his head. The sun was shining high in the late morning when Jack woke up. He blinked and sat up alarmed. No Mac. Dammit...Jack's moment of panic eased and he breathed out when he saw Mac sitting cross-legged at the end of the bed. Mac leaned forward holding his head in both hands.

"Hey, Mac. Head hurting?" Mac nodded then gasped in pain. He didn't look up. Jack shoved aside the covers and moved to Mac's side. He put a hand on Mac's shoulder. He could feel tension buzz through Mac's body, "Hey, can you look at me?"

"No." Mac's voice was a warbling whisper, "I'll puke." Jack frowned. Not good.

"It's ok, brother, let me see." After a long second, Mac slowly looked up. His jaw bounced as he swallowed fighting nausea. He was ash white under the dark fingerprints of bruising. He didn't look good at all, "Ok, I think we need to call Dr. Li Chen, what do you think?" Mac sighed and nodded. Jack saw the spasm and moved like lightning grabbing a small garbage pan and held it under Mac's chin. Mac reached out and grabbed Jack's arm as he lost anything he'd ever thought of eating for the past year. Jack waited until he was done before setting aside the pan. He leaned down. Mac was pure paper white, his lips bloodless lines. His eyes were red and tears streaked down his face.

"Let's get you cleaned up, then we'll go to the docs." Mac closed his eyes. Jack grabbed the pan with one hand just in case then helped Mac stand to support the younger man as he tottered to the toilet. Mac slumped on the lidded toilet then grabbed the pan and started heaving again. Jack winced sure a lung must be coming up. He pulled out a washcloth and rubbed soap on it until he had a good lather. After Mac finished, the kid slumped back losing his grip on the garbage. Jack deftly caught it and set it aside. He wrinkled his nose; mess had splashed into Mac's hair and onto the T-shirt.

"Ok, kiddo. You gonna be ok, for a bit?"

"Think so," Mac mumbled. Jack helped him take off his T-Shirt and handed him the washcloth. Jack tossed the soiled shirt into the hamper retrieving a black AC/DC shirt. He wet a towel and helped Mac wash away the soap. Mac looked bleached and weak. He began to shiver. Jack dried him off and helped him into the T. Jack half carried Mac to the living room and settled the kid on the couch. Jack bundled Mac up then went and cleaned the garbage pan out. He sprayed it with some deodorizer then left it beside the sofa.

Mac laid with a hand folded across his face. Jack sat on the coffee table a second. He reached out and checked Mac's temp with the back of his hand. Mac moved his hand. Jack felt his worry increase another level. Mac was cold and clammy.

"I'm gonna call the doctor, you ok for a minute?" Mac hummed covering his eyes again. Jack patted his leg. He was talking before Dr. Li got his whole name out. Jack answered questions and nodded. Mac heard it all as a chainsaw buzzing across his brain. Agony stapled his head to a super high-speed turntable. Mac tried squinting across the whirling room. Bad idea. Mac jackknifed heaving into the bucket again. Jack rubbed his aching back. Mac spit into the bucket then wobbled back. Jack gave him a small glass of water. Mac rinsed his mouth spitting again in the bucket then took a couple sips. Mac's eyes watered but he refused to give into the waves of pain and misery. Jack cleaned the garbage pan again and gave Mac a few minutes to pull himself together.

"Can I ask you a question?" Mac asked in a hoarse whisper.

"Anything."

"Why do you have a T-Shirt that has AC/DC on it? Did you work for the electrical company or something?" Jack chuckled.

"No, buddy. It's a band." Mac frowned at him keeping only one eye open.

"Did I like them?"

"Yeah, we rang a few Hells Bells together down the Highway to Hell." Mac blinked at Jack. Jack sighed.

"It's a joke...never mind. Yes, you did like them, probably still do but I don't think they'd help you cracked skull right now." Mac nodded then rolled over. He waited a long minute his mouth moving then he sank back. False alarm.

"What did Li say?" Mac mumbled.

"Well, you are going to get to see where we work."

"I have to move?"

"'Fraid so, kiddo."

"I hate everything," Mac said, Jack winced at the misery oozing from Mac. He put a reassuring hand on Mac's shoulder.

"I know, buddy. Doc Li has some medicine that will help." Mac shot him a sideways glare.

"More shots?"

"Probably."

"Shit."

Jack pulled the GTO close to the door and helped Mac hobble to the car. Jack tucked the blanket around Mac, did up the seatbelt, and put the puke bucket in Mac's lap. Mac moaned leaning forward dry heaving. Jack winced in sympathy. He put on quiet music and took every shortcut to Phoenix. Mac cried, and dry heaved several more times along the way. Dr. Li Chen must have sent out the message. When Jack pulled up to the curb, Matty, Doc Carl, and Sally Weathers lined up behind a waiting wheelchair. Mac's head hung over the puke bowl as Jack got out and came around his side.

"Hey bud, this is Matty. She's our boss, this tall guy is Doc Carl, and this lovely redhead is Sally, the nurse in charge of Medical." Mac studied them through one bleary eye.

" 'K." He managed before he bent over to dry heave again. When he finished Jack stepped aside. Doc Carl knelt in front of Mac his young face crinkled with worry.

"Mac, do you feel sick only when you move, or all the time?" Mac frowned.

"All the time, it's worse when I move." Doc Carl nodded. There was a warmth in the man's brown eyes Mac trusted. Doc Carl undid Mac's seatbelt. The redhead leaned forward and between the two of them they managed to lift Mac to the wheelchair. Mac bent heaving again unable to stop a cry of misery from popping out. Matty was eye level with Mac. 

"Hey, blondie, you hang in there ok?" Her voice was gentle but creaky as if she rarely used such a kind tone. Mac managed a weak smile. The redhead folded the blanket around Mac. Mac studied her with a frown. Sally looked up concerned.

"Anyone ever tell you-you look like an elf?" Mac mumbled. Sally grinned.

"Once in awhile." She got behind Mac and wheeled him into the building. Mac leaned forward holding his head groaning. If everything had spun before it now wheeled crazily. He almost dropped the puke bucket as he heaved again. Doc Carl leaned down and held it in place as Mac lost a belly full of mucus, spit, and bile. The ride in the elevator and trek down the hallway was a blur. Mac moaned closing his eyes as the patterns in the tile under the chair whipped past like a zoetrope. He heaved again.

The room they pushed him into wasn't a typical hospital room. It was painted Robin's egg blue and had framed pictures of cattle and horses. Mac wondered if they were from Jack's grandparent's ranch. The thought gave him a little comfort.

Someone took the bucket and unwrapped him. Mac shivered his head dropping as Jack grabbed one arm, Doc Carl grabbed the other and they lifted him to his feet. Mac's knees folded and everything melted into a grey fog. Voices swirled around him. Mac closed his eyes. Burning hands seemed to pull apart his head. Bolts of agony shook his skull apart. Tears flowed and he moaned. His gut heaved again. He was rolled to his side, but nothing came out.

He thought he heard Jack's voice, but it was at the other end of a raging tornado.

"Jack…" He cried reaching out a hand. Mac felt Jack's warm, calloused hand take his. Mac's body shook. "Hurts...Jack...Please…" Mac could feel Jack rub his upper arm and dimly heard a soothing murmur. It was a thin lifeline in the confusing maelstrom.

"Hello, Mac. Can you open your eyes for me?" Dr. Li Chen said softly. Mac slowly did. He let out a breath. They'd dimmed the light in the room. "Good. I'm going to shine a light in your eyes. Take a deep breath ok? Squeeze Jack's hand, ready?" A lightsaber tore holes in the meat of his cranium. Mac gasped and squeezed Jack's hand hard enough he thought he felt bones break. The light disappeared but left red shadows spinning. Mac again heaved.

"Easy, easy...you're doing good, brother. Breathe...that's it." He could feel Jack sitting beside him, rubbing his back. Mac curled into a comma around the older man. Everything was quiet for a long minute.

"Ok, Mac. We have to put in an IV so we can give you medicine." Dr. Li said. His voice seemed to bounce off the walls of a high cliff. Mac's heart skipped. He felt Jack grip his hand tighter.

"Another shot?" Mac's voice trembled.

"It's gonna hurt, kiddo, but Sally's the best there is." Mac sucked in and let out a deep breath.

"Ok, roll on your back for me?" Mac didn't know why but Sally's voice seemed to shriek like fingernails on a chalkboard, soothing and scary all at once. He moved onto his back. Jack let go of his hand.

"Jack!" Mac's heart tumbled with panic.

"Easy, easy...I'm right here. Sally needs to raise the bed." Mac cried out at the noise and vibration as the bed sluggishly lifted. Mac opened his eyes, but everything blurred into layers shadows and double outlines. He turned his head moaning. He tried to reach up to his head, familiar gentle hands caught his hand and held it.

"Hurts, please stop it...please…"

"I know, brother. Hold on. For me, ok?"

"Tell me about the ranch," Mac asked. Jack described the Narrow Path's rolling hills and oaks, the sky that went forever and the beauty of Treaty the buckskin given to Mac when she was born. Mac winced at a stab in his right arm followed by a cold liquid seeping in his arm. IV fluids. Mac kept his face turned toward Jack and eyes closed knowing if he tried to look he'd be puking up the insides of his empty gut. He tried to imagine the ranch and Jack's grandparents, but his head hurt too much. He focused on the calm tones and soothing cadence of Jack's Texas drawl.

Mac jumped and squeezed Jack's hand as his arm suddenly burned. He sucked in a breath and opened his eyes trying to make sense of the garbled mess around him. Voices were unintelligible waves of static. Mac shook, he couldn't get air...he tried to call for help, to beg for the pain to end...Mac gasped; his body demanded more air. Oxygen blew against his face through a hard plastic mask. The growing number looking down at him multiplied. They flipped on over his head. Everything was wavy and frightening. Stop, stop, stop, please! He screamed. He didn't know if it was inside his head or if his voice filled the room with his pain.

Warm hands gripped both sides of his face and pushed back hair slick with cold sweat. His arm burned again. Mac twisted his head aside, but the hands held it in place. A face cut through the fog.

"Jack!" He whispered in relief. Jack's mouth moved but it was swept away in confusion. Mac closed his eyes. Jack's here. Jack's here… His T-Shirt was cut off. Oh no, Jack's gonna be mad. Please Jack don't be mad, I'll get you another one, I promise...please don't be mad...Mac must have said that out loud because Jack smiled down at him and offered reassurance. Mac reached up, his fingers digging into Jack's shirt. Don't leave...I'm scared...Please don't leave...please... _A long time ago I made a promise to a skinny kid..._ Cold stickers on his chest. A beeping, fast buzzing alarms...stomping on his head...stop, stop, stop please...hurts…

Pain sizzled up his arm. Medicine? Doc said it'd help, it's not helping...somebody please help...please...Mac began to float, everything spun again. He gagged but didn't have anything left. Moving lights drilled like a zipper through his head. He was moving, the sound of wheels clanking, more voices...burning in his arm...a big loop, a mouth to swallow his head...no, no, please…

"Easy...CT machine…" Jack's voice broke through the blizzard.

Computer tomography, a mixture of computer scan and x-ray...Mac's brain buzzed facts across it like streaks of meteors. Body flushed hotly. Vibrations, moving, whir around his head. Jack's gone. Jack! Jack! JACK! You promised! Please, please, please don't leave me alone...warm hands back, rubbing his arm. Jack's voice soft. No words just a quiet buzz, warm safe. Moving again, but distant...tired, so tired...floating on a cloud...fluffy cloud...crossing the vast Texas sky...


	7. Chapter 7

A bee buzzed along the left side of his head. Mac's blue eyes slit open. A woman wearing green surgical scrubs held a razor and shaved off the rest of his hair. He frowned. There was something not right about that...something he should ask about...then she rubbed disinfectant onto his scalp. Mac closed his eyes relaxing into the sensation. Soft murmurs around him, then he was rolling out a set of double doors. His eyes spun like a slot machine following the long dashes on the ceiling. Another set of double doors then he was in a room cold and lined with metal. Five bright suns glared at him, spearing his head. He twisted his eyes shut moaning. Hands removed his cocoon of blankets and slid him onto a hard steel table. Mac shivered.

Mac watched as his right arm was stretched out and tied to a board. He thought that should bother him...but was too drowsy to wonder why. A surgical team moving with mechanical precision danced around him. Heated blankets piled on him. Their voices were low and reminded him of the peace in a library. He closed his eyes humming with contentment.

"Hey, Mac, how are you feeling?" Mac opened his eyes and blinked up at a surgeon wearing a mask. He frowned...he knew the guy?...nope, got nothing...Mac hummed again. The man nodded and patted his shoulder. They lifted his head and turned it laying it on a hard foam. His freshly shaved scalp faced the ceiling. Mac swallowed. His baldness made him feel vulnerable, scared. Again with the talking...the voices were soft…

"Mac? Hi, my names Kevin I'm your anesthesiologist…" Mac blinked watching the man's eyes. They were a spectacular blue, the color of the clear Mediterranean..."Just relax, and take a deep breath, ok?" A mask covered his nose and mouth. He took a deep breath and…

Beeping. Mac moaned. Something was wrong, different. His head hurt. He tried to move his left hand to feel his wound, but a familiar calloused hand halted the ill-advised gesture.

"Hey, kiddo." Jack! Mac hefted his eyelids and smiled up at the fuzzy face of his partner. Mac's mouth twitched then his eyes sank again...Machine whir, blood pressure cuff, doctors, nurses...drifting… 

"Hey, Mac. How do you feel?" Mac forced his eyes to follow the voice. A doctor...Len, Chi, Li? Mac hummed hoping the doc would know his own name.

"How did it go?" Jack, bless him. Mac sighed in contentment. Jack could take care of everything. Mac was safe.

"Very well. We were able to lance and repair the bleed. If we hadn't caught it in time, Mac would have ended up with another massive hematoma…" Blah, blah, blah...Mac wanted to sleep. He grumbled his annoyance...Moving, dashing lights on the ceiling. Mac moaned. The rattle of the cart sent a lance stabbed into the flesh of his left scalp.

"Easy, buddy. We're almost there." Drifting...lifted into a big soft cloud. Hands were pulling at clothes, blankets, moving him, rolling him...then blessed silence…

Jack rubbed his face and sipped his coffee dry. He leaned back taking in a deep settling breath. Mac slept peacefully. Jack felt like his body could finally unclench. When they had done the CT, they'd discovered a bleed deeper in Mac's brain. Jack yawned and glanced at his watch. It had taken them seven hours to fix it. Dr. Li Chen was happy with the results.

"Hey, Jack." Jack looked up startled. Riley and Bozer hesitated at the door.

"C'mon in, he's out like a light." Jack murmured. Bozer came in and sat in the chair beside Jack. He leaned forward taking in Mac's pallor and bandages.

"You know Mac's the whitest white dude I've ever seen." He said with a smile. Riley smiled and sat on the edge of the bed. She held Mac's limp hand. She looked at Jack.

"What'd they say?"

"They said everything went well."

"Is he gonna get his memory back?" Boze asked. Jack leaned forward and ran his hand through his hair.

"We won't know until he wakes up…"

"And no one knows when that'll be. Wha…" Riley trailed off as Mac groaned and his eyes fluttered open, "Hey, Mac." Mac blinked up at her then his eyes took in the room. He raised his hand and frowned when he brushed the thick dressing on his scalp.

"Wh...where are we?" His voice was a taut piano wire. Jack and Bozer stood up and leaned over Mac. Mac closed his eyes and took a deep breath, "what's going on?" He cleared his throat and coughed wincing and putting a hand to his head. Bozer pushed the button and raised the head of the bed. Mac closed his eyes, and his hand reached out blindly grabbing the railing.

"Ugh…" He grimaced.

"You gonna puke?" Jack asked holding the emesis basin ready. Mac shook his head.

"Nah, just dizzy." Mac blinked and took deep breaths. Riley leaned forward offering a straw. Mac took a deep drink of water and would have kept drinking if Riley hadn't pulled it away. Mac shot her a glare.

"You do not wanna start puking," Riley informed him. Mac smiled weakly.

"Fair point." He took in his surroundings.

"We're in Phoenix? What happened?" The others froze and shot a glance at each other. Mac caught the look, "What?"

"What's the last thing you remember?" Jack asked his voice a little too casual. Mac squinted at him.

"We...briefing, something about Myanmar…? It's all hazy. What happened? What's with the loopy grins...it's creepy." Jack let out a whoop and grabbed Riley lifting her up and spinning her around. Bozer clapped and grinned like a Cheshire cat on catnip. Mac winced and rubbed his forehead. Mac felt a long incision on one side and a smaller dressing on the other. His eyes opened wide.

"I have no hair! What happened to my hair?" He glared at Jack, "What did you do?" Jack pointed at himself.

"Me? Why did you think I did anything?" Mac moved to sit up. He bent forward gasping as his head had a railroad spike rammed through it.

"Easy there, brother. Lay back. It's ok." Jack gently eased Mac back to his pillow. Mac took several deep breaths.

"Ow." He muttered. Mac opened his eyes and took in the worry on Riley and Bozer's faces and the near panic on Jack's. Mac rolled his eyes and slid over giving Jack room to sit down. Jack sank onto the bed and stared at Mac. Mac frowned.

"Are you ok? You look like crap." Jack smiled and shook his head. Mac could easily see the gleam of tears in the older man's eyes, "What's wrong? Seriously, are you ok?" Jack turned away and stared down at his feet. Mac shot Riley and Bozer a worried look.

"Uh...Boze why don't we…"

"Update Matty?"

"Yeah." Mac waved to them as they left then focussed his attention on Jack.

"Hey, big guy, what's going on?" Mac asked. Jack looked at him tears running down his face. Mac reached out and took Jack's hand. Whatever had happened, his partner had definitely been through hell and back. Jack squeezed the kid's hand and stared at it as if it was going to melt away. Mac could see his partner trying to form words. Mac huffed.

"Jack, start talking you're freaking me out." Jack laughed and rubbed his eyes.

"Freak you out! Man, if you had any idea…" Jack went to stand up. Mac tugged on his arm until he sat back down.

"Tell me." Mac pleaded. Jack took a deep breath and told him everything that happened. Mac listened wide-eyed. Jack busied himself by pouring Mac a fresh drink. Mac stared at the ceiling lost in thought.

"Amnesia? Really? Wow. You hear about that kind of thing...wow." Mac murmured. He gratefully took a long drink. He eyed Jack until Jack squirmed under his gaze.

"Stop staring at me like that or I'll get Sally to check on you." Mac gave him a full wattage glare but managed to hold his tongue.

"Look, Jack. I...I don't know how to say this…" Jack sat down frowning.

"I was just kidding about that Sally thing; she's off 'til tomorrow." Mac held up a hand.

"Jack, I'm serious," Jack nodded and waited, "Jack, I know I don't always...I'm…" Mac closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead, "Look what I'm trying to say is I'm sorry and thank you." Jack blinked. Mac turned his head away and took steadying breaths.

"Now, why would you go and do that?" Jack mumbled.

"What?"

"Dude, why are you apologizing?" Mac snorted.

"I don't know...taking apart all of your appliances, running away, giving you a heart attack…" Jack laughed.

"Shoot, that was kinda fun. And you got a cool haircut out of it." Mac shot Jack a droll look. 

"Really? That's what you're going with?" Jack chuckled then took a deep breath turning serious.

"Mac, I...I thought you were gone, for reals this time. Your whole head was bashed in, and there was a melon sticking out and the blood…" Jack closed his eyes and trailed off staring down at his hands. Mac went to say something, Jack stopped him with a raised hand, "I was happy to have you back, brother. I didn't care if you took apart the whole house or scribbled on every wall or I had to duct tape you to said wall...There is no theory under which I would not take care of you." Mac's eyes dampened, and he looked down swallowing. Both men were silent, taking in each other's presence.

"Not the Shelby, though," Mac said.

"Hell no, I'da had to kill you dead if you touched my baby," Jack said with deadly earnest. Both men broke into laughter then bumped fists.

"Do you think I can get outta here tonight?" Mac asked watching the door for spies. Jack raised an eyebrow.

"Have you lost your very last marble, dude? Hell no you ain't getting outta here tonight." Mac huffed and leaned back pouting, "Buuut in a day or two; I think we should go to the Ranch." Mac did a double take.

"What? Why? It's bad enough you, Bozer and Riley will be hovering, you want to feed me to Nana Beth and JD too?" Jack held up a hand.

"Now listen, we all could use a break." Mac glared at the older man and scowled.

"You're tired of babysitting is what you mean."

"Now don't go putting words in my mouth...I just think we need family right now...besides there's some peach cobbler in it for you?" Mac chuckled and held out his hand. Jack took it and grinned, "Great now that's settled, get some rest." Mac nodded and closed his eyes. Jack crossed back to the recliner and stretched out. For a long time, the only sound was the soft warble of the IV pump. Mac huffed and sat up.

"What's wrong?" Jack asked worry creeping into his voice.

"I'm bored."

"Oh, hell."

 ******And there it is, the quickest story I have ever written. I'm a sucker for the amnesia plotline! Thanks Dwells51 for your prompt, I hope you liked it. And extra thanks to Ridley C. James for your fantastic creation. I'm sorry for anything I might have messed up. Thank you, everybody, for reading/ commenting/ favoriting and following. You guys are the best! At least I think so, I don't really remember….LOL  
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